Ester Perel from her interview with The Sun Magazine:
People confuse intimacy with the fusing of two individuals for the unified identity of “the couple.” We long to connect with and to be recognized by another person; to feel that we are seen and heard. But too often we look for this need to be satisfied by only one person. People should have multiple attachments. I don’t mean multiple love partners necessarily, but you need to see yourself reflected by many people. The larger community used to give us a sense that we existed, that we belonged. Now it is our partner. My “significant other” is going to help me transcend my existential aloneness. Caretaking is powerful in a loving relationship, but it can be an anti-aphrodisiac. There is a big difference between neediness and desire. Being desired is great, but being needed shuts down romance. Love seeks closeness, but desire needs space to thrive. <read it here>
Life Goes On
The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present
To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts. ~ Henry David Thoreau
Perhaps this is one of the keys to happiness, especially if we think about how we can make another being’s quality of the day a little better — paying a small compliment, feeding the birds, holding the door, picking up trash that missed the can, walking your dog. The list of little things we can do for each other is endless. The bonus is that each random act of kindness to another improves the quality of our day as well. It’s an interesting paradox of life, when you help someone else you automatically help yourself by feeling better, which improves the quality of your day.