Bad body image is not a plight reserved for heterosexual women.
To show that I understand his angst, I want to assure him that being skinny is a good thing; he should be happy he isn’t overweight; he’s only 24. But before I can respond, he asks “How old were you when you finally started bulk up?” exclaming, “I hate the way I look! I need more muscle definition in order to get a boyfriend.” My client, like so many gay men, is convinced that without a gym-buff body, he is unlovable and doomed to be alone for the rest of his life. The objective truth is that he is a good-looking young man in excellent physical shape with a nice face, good hair and and fine taste in clothes. He just can’t see himself that way.
Gay men grow up in a world of childhood shame and parental rejection. Even though there has been marked improvement over the past 20 years, the societal message is that being gay is not okay. In his seminal book The Velvet Rage, author Alan Downs, PhD explains that “the trauma of growing up gay in a world that is run primarily by straight men is deeply wounding in a unique and profound way.”
Growing up, boys idealize the men in their lives and strive to be like them. But when fathers, teachers, coaches, ministers and others communicate to boys that who they are is fundamentally rotten, the boys look elsewhere for role models. And in today’s world of 24-hour TV and internet, the replacement role models are often the impossibly sculpted bodies represented in the media, and especially by Hollywood. Keep reading …
This article was orignally written and published on YourTango.com. Huffington Post saw this article and decided to re-purpose it on their own site. I’m excited by the amount of comments and other feedback the article generated. Please feel free to tell me your thoughts and feelings about it as well. I’ll reply to any comment left here.
Larry Cappel is a trained relationship coach specializing in same-sex relationships and a licensed marriage and family therapist. He can be reached through his website if you’d like to talk about any aspect of your relationship.
Do you have any experience with body image issues? If so, share your experience below. I’ll do my best to respond in a timely manner.
Why Gay Men Hate Their Body Image Too by Larry Cappel,